12/16/16

Sue Lloyd



A gentle but strong, brave and compassionate story that tugs at the heartstrings. Young Adult writing at it's best.

Can an adorable beagle change the lives of everyone she meets?

Hope rises like a phoenix from the ashes of shattered dreams ”" S. A. Sachs
Cassie Larimer is fourteen years old. She was diagnosed with leukaemia just one year ago and her world has since changed forever.
Hope is a five-year-old beagle. She is testing a second-generation leukaemia drug at Morton Animal Research Centre (MARC)
Alice Anders is a news anchor for NOW! She conducts a live report from MARC one day which profoundly affects many of the people who witness the virtual tour.
Cassie Larimer was one of the viewers that day as she watched from her hospital bed.
Something magical happens when Cassie sets eyes on Hope for the first time. She feels a psychic bond with this charming little dog and sets out on a mission to rescue her from certain doom.
Will Cassie be able to keep her promise?
Meet Hope. She is no ordinary dog and will touch your heart too.

Buy your very own copy today!

11/17/16

Jordan Marie




The Perfect Stroke:


It was one night. He wasn’t supposed to rock my world.


CC 
Gray Lucas is everything I hate in a man. 
Cocky, rich, entitled and a player. 
He’s a pro athlete and his exploits are legendary—one of which was me. 
We had a one-night-stand.
It was wild, passionate, exhilarating and a big mistake.
Except maybe it wasn’t.
Because the more time I spend with him and his crazy family, the more I want him to stay…
But men don’t stay…do they? 

Gray 
The moment I saw Claudia Cooper again, other women ceased to exist for me. 
She’s smart-mouthed, tough-as-nails, and gorgeous. She’s perfect. 
I’m the man for her, the only man for her. She just doesn’t know it yet. 
I have a reputation for playing hard, fast and dirty. 
Love ‘em and Leave ‘em.
What CC doesn’t know yet,
Is that I'm not playing. I’m claiming her.

Take a man who always gets what he wants,
A woman who has learned not to want, 
A crazy mother and insane siblings…
And oh yeah add in a skunk just to make things interesting—
And you just might have The Perfect Stroke. 


WARNING 

Don't go looking for golf in this book...but you may spot a birdie or two.
Complete Stand Alone Novel with HEA inside. 


Please NOTE this book will say it ends at 50 some percent but in actuality is a FULL Length Novel. It just CONTAINS A 2nd BOOK Unjustified Demands FREE.


*************************

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Saving Dancer: http://amzn.to/29J9kkF
Loving Nicole: http://amzn.to/29XNbF6
Claiming Crusher: http://amzn.to/29VHeaa
Trusting Bull: http://amzn.to/29KVLVh
The Perfect Stroke: http://amzn.to/29JEXRq
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Unlawful Seizure: http://amzn.to/29JR38V
Unjustified Demands: http://amzn.to/29JF92K

11/4/16

Jennifer Reynolds




Life lesson number one: Never anger a powerful witch.

Too bad Dimitri Sullivan didn’t know the beautiful redhead he met at a bar, bedded, and skipped out on was a witch—let alone a psychotic one who turns him into a diseased-ridden, flea-bitten, house cat; the complete antecedent to his predominate wolf form. 

Abby, like most humans, knows nothing about the supernatural world. She does know that her new cat is different. She knows that the new, gorgeous man in her life is up to something. And she knows that something isn’t right about the beautiful yet crazy woman stalking her. 

When Mave, the witch who cursed Dimitri, discovers that the curse she placed on him is breaking, she goes to great lengths to stop him from becoming human once again.

Shifter is a full-length, stand-alone novel.

10/31/16

Jody A. Kessler




When We’re Entwined by Jody A. Kessler
Genres: Coming-of-age, New Adult Romance

“Do not judge me for where I stand today, until you know how far I’ve traveled to get here.” — J. Pyrah, When We’re Entwined 

Former circus performer and aerial gymnast, Tara knows it’s time to move on. Tired of the constant abuse and the emotional rollercoaster ride at home, she takes to the road to perform on stage with her boyfriend and his band, Paradox 21. 

Drunken excursions and late night after-parties lead to an unfathomable betrayal by her boyfriend, Keel. Tara never imagined her summer tour would come to an abrupt end that lands her jobless, homeless, and broke in a city far from home. Unable to reach out to her emotionally distant and unstable mother and her abusive stepfather, a knight disguised as a homeless man gives Tara new perspective. And a punk named Corban, with his gemstone inspired eyes, takes her on a spontaneous road trip that ultimately lands her a job with the traveling sideshow, The Circus of Misfit Marvels. 

As Tara searches for a freedom she has never known, she documents her journey by writing her most embarrassing, profound, excruciating, and soul-searching moments in letters to her sister. Despite heartache, love and loss, Tara finds immeasurable strength and wisdom during her travels in this unforgettable adventure of self-discovery. 

“When We’re Entwined is a gripping, emotional modern-day adventure with a glimpse of alternative lifestyles in America as one vibrant, young aerial gymnast realizes cruelty and injustice can be outweighed by kindness, humor, and compassion with the help of a most unlikely and wildly colorful cast of characters.”

10/23/16

Kindra Sowder



   

            There are only a few things Mila is afraid of. Most are pretty common fears, but there is one that sets her apart from those around her. The fear of a secret. With one drop of blood, her secret of a power beyond anything anyone had ever seen before is unleashed, landing her in a place where she is a prisoner. And an experiment. And there are only a few that know their dictator’s ultimate goal. Some are willing to save her, others want to exploit her for their own dark and sinister intentions, and it is up to her to stop them before it’s too late.                                                                                                                                             

10/7/16

Sara Schoen




Blurb:

Lauren Scott has always been tormented by her peers for being a good girl…
 
She is viewed as the golden child by her parents—following their rules and allowing them to make all of her life decisions. But after a lifetime of walking the straight and narrow, Lauren feels as though her life is passing her by.
 
When she catches her father in an affair, she throws the rulebook out the window…
 
Lauren realizes that even if she does everything perfectly, life can—and will—surprise you. When life throws her a major curveball, she sets out to live life for herself, making the rules up as she goes and smashing through everyone else’s expectations, but she doesn't know how to live without a guideline. So, Lauren is forced to ask her biggest tormentor for help—Kayden Daniels.
 
Kayden is nothing but trouble—which is why Lauren needs him so badly…
 
Kayden turns Lauren’s whole world upside down with a mischievous smirk and a proposition. But if Lauren wants his help to remake herself, she has to pay the price—her virginity. With no one else willing to help her, she agrees to make the trade. But when her change becomes too much to handle will she give up or will she keep moving forward with a new reputation and a more adventurous life?

Cliques, stereotypes, popularity contests, and drama.
Some say it’s just another day in high school.
For Lauren, it’s the Rebellion Project…

https://www.amazon.com/Rebellion-Project-Sara-Schoen-ebook/dp/B01G2FZGGE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1475847616&sr=1-1&keywords=sara+schoen

9/27/16

Sharon Johnson


Beyond A Reasonable Doubt 
Book 1 Approx. 67K+ words
Blurb:
DeMatteo Santiago is the Alpha of one of the largest prides in North America. He is a young, successful lion shifter, surrounded by a large family and his devoted lover. By anyone's account he has more than any one man can ask for, but his lion cares of nothing except finding their mate. 

An unexpected business trip pits DeMatteo and his long awaited mate on opposite sides of the courtroom. But when challenged by ex-lovers, nosey siblings, and crazy hunters, DeMatteo realizes that finding his mate was the easy part. The real question is whether they will live long enough to be together. 

This release is an M/M paranormal shifter romance. This series will contain, graphic violence, graphic language, and Mpreg. What it will not be is an instant mate fairytale, as forces set out to destroy everything and everyone.

Blurb:
Eighty six thousand, four hundred seconds. One thousand, four hundred and forty minutes. Twenty four hours. One day. In his twenty five years of life DeMatteo Santiago had often taken for granted how much could change in a single Day. When he crawled into bed at 10:30 pm on May 7th, 1980 there was no way of knowing how the next twenty four hours would forever alter his life. As a young Alpha lion shifter DeMatteo has left his pride, in search of his mate, and a pride of his own. But the fates have been conspiring for centuries to lead him to this precise moment in time. May 8 1980, 10:30 pm, a moment in time that will forever change the life of Matthew "DeMatteo" Santiago. Facing the challenges of being the new Alpha of the largest pride in the United States, DeMatteo must find a way to lead in the face of his own personal tragedy. 


Blurb:
The story continues for Alpha DeMatteo Santiago and his mate. After the nightmare of having his pregnant mate kidnapped and tortured, DeMatteo begins the seemingly impossible process of piecing together the truth. Forces against them take this time to regroup and launch an all out attack. Lies and half truths fall apart as the past is investigated, but it's a race against time and failure could prove to be fatal. 

This release is an M/M paranormal shifter romance. This series will contain scenes of graphic violence, graphic sex, graphic language, Mpreg, and graphic birth. What it will not be is an instant mate fairytale, as forces set out to destroy everything and everyone around him.

9/15/16

Aubrey Bondurant



Synopsis:

Being able to stand on your own two feet, sometimes requires getting knocked off them completely... 

McKenzie “Kenzie” Lane is newly graduated from college and looking forward to a dream internship she has lined up for the summer in LA. Unfortunately, her controlling mother has other plans.

Colby Singer, with his hot-as-sin looks and wicked charm, is never without attention from the ladies. Despite suspecting how Kenzie feels about him, he’s always kept her comfortably off-limits since she’s the baby sister of one of his best friends. 
But when he’s determined to distract her temporarily from the stress of her mother’s ultimatum, deciding to show her some fun, he quickly finds that keeping her in the friend zone is not as easy as he’d hoped.

Once Kenzie realizes this may be her last opportunity to gauge her long-time crush’s true feelings, she puts it all out there in the form of a bet. It's the perfect idea for her perfect man.
Until he isn’t.
Will a dose of reality lead to true love? Or will it crash and burn before it can even get started?

Full Length Standalone book with no cliffhanger. Third book of the “Something Series”
Recommended for mature readers due to situations of language, and sexual content. 


Series: Book #3 of the Something Series-each book is standalone (different couples), however I'm happy to provide the first two books, Tell Me Something and Ask Me Something
Amazon links: 

9/1/16

Paul Lonardo


ENCHANTED DESIRE
Erotic Romance published by Wild Rose Press (June 17, 2016)

Teaser:
When you dare to dream, you might as well dream to have it all
 
Blurb:
I had my life all planned out...until I met him. Kenny Honana is sexy and alluring. Mysterious. I’d always been drawn to the Native American heritage, and now I found myself dream-deep in a supernatural tribal ritual. Little did I know, his vision quest would involve me in a sexual odyssey beyond my wildest dreams. But when the quest is over...what becomes of us.






AUTHOR BIO
I have had published both fiction and non-fiction book published, including titles that have been excerpted inReader’s Digest (Caught in the Act, Penguin Group, 2011) and reviewed in Publisher’s Weekly (Life, with Cancer, Health Communications, Inc., foreword by Anna Quindlen, 2012).
From the Ashes, a 2010 collaborative book written with a Gina Russo, who survived the deadly 2003 Station Nightclub fire in RI which claimed the lives of 100 people, became the basis of a 2013 documentary web series,The Station.
Thrill Killers is a 2007 true crime book (New Horizon Press, Berkley paperback, 2008) written with the Johnston, Rhode Island detective who headed the investigation of a brutal double homicide.
I was interviewed as part of NBC’s documentary program, I Survived a Serial Killer, featuring the true crime story depicted in the book  Caught in the Act.
I had my first romance book published (Reunion of Souls, Liquid Silver Press, June 2015).
I recently had my second romance novella Enchanted Desire published by Wild Rose Press, released on June 17, 2016

EXCERPT:

My disappointment quickly turned to delight when I saw the tall, broad figure that cut through the steam in the room. I knew it was Kenny right away.

“I had to see you.” Kenny’s voice boomed like thunder in my ears, making my body shudder.

“How did you—” I could not finish what I was going to say before Kenny crossed the room to the bathtub in three strides and gently put the tips of two fingers against my lips. “Sh-hhhhh.”

The sibilating sound lulled me back into tranquility. He slowly ran the fingers of his right hand along my jawline to my ear and then down the nape of my neck, he did the same with his tongue on the other side of my face. I shivered even in the heat of the steaming bath water. Cupping the sides of my face in his hands, he drew his head toward me and kissed me deeply.

With his lips pressed firmly against mine, I placed both my hands around the back of his neck. He straightened up and lifted me right out of the tub. Naked and dripping, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he never stopped kissing me the entire time, sucking and biting delicately on the soft skin of my lower lip. It made me crazy.

His exposed chest hair bristled across my nipples, arousing me further. I opened my mouth and his tongue began to flick back and forth across mine. It was a sensuous imitation of a more intimate act, and I was sure he knew it as was well as I did. With his thick shaft in his pants pressed against my bare pussy, I felt a now-familiar rush of warmth between my legs. When I began to grind myself against him, his cock began to grow. And grow.

Oh, my God! I thought. Courtney was right. The thing was huge.

Holding me in his powerful embrace, he let one of his hands drop slowly down the side of my body, tracing the arch of my hip and then reaching underneath me to massage the swell of my buttocks. Several of his long fingers wandered down further and touched me in a place that no man had touched me in a long time. As he lightly probed the outer rim of my anus with his index and middle fingers, I let out a moan.

I felt the sensation of moving again, but this time it wasn’t vertigo. Kenny carried me effortlessly out of the bathroom and into the adjoining bedroom where he eased me down onto the white down duvet cover. He was standing over me as I sat up and reached for his shirt. I pulled on the leather lacing that bound the cowhide to his body and loosened it until the material hung from his shoulders in two pieces. Kenny shrugged the remains off, exposing his naked torso.

His pants moved in front of me, as if there was something alive in there.

8/25/16

Dane Cobain



No Rest for the Wicked
(supernatural thriller)
When the Angels attack, there’s NO REST FOR THE WICKED.
Father Montgomery, an elderly priest with a secret past, begins to investigate after his parishioners come under attack, and with the help of Jones, a young businessman with an estranged child, Montgomery begins to track down the origin of the Angels.
When Jones himself is attacked, Father Montgomery knows he has to act fast. He speaks to the Angels and organises a final showdown where he’s asked to make the ultimate sacrifice. 



Eyes Like Lighthouses When the Boats Come Home
(poetry) 
Eyes Like Lighthouses is Dane Cobain’s first book of poetry, distilled from the sweat of a thousand memorised performances in this reality and others. It’s not for the faint-hearted. 
“I’ve never seen anyone do a stream of consciousness piece as talented as that. Very impressed.” – Mark Allard-Will, author of Saskatch-A-Man and co-founder of Cuckoo’s Nest Press 





Former.ly: The Rise and Fall of a Social Network
(literary fiction) 
When Dan Roberts starts his new job at Former.ly, he has no idea what he's getting into. The site deals in death - its users share their innermost thoughts, which are stored privately until they die. Then, their posts are shared with the world, often with unexpected consequences. 
But something strange is going on, and the site's two erratic founders share a dark secret. A secret that people are willing to kill for. 





8/19/16

Becca Taylor


Will Alyssa ever look at Bentley as more than just a friend? What will it take for to her realize her missing peace is only steps away?



Get your copy today for only #99cents or #FreeInKindleUnlimited #KU #FindingPeace #Alyssa #Bentley #BeccaTaylor


8/18/16

Paul Lonardo



EXCERPT:
My disappointment quickly turned to delight when I saw the tall, broad figure that cut through the steam in the room. I knew it was Kenny right away.
“I had to see you.” Kenny’s voice boomed like thunder in my ears, making my body shudder.
“How did you—” I could not finish what I was going to say before Kenny crossed the room to the bathtub in three strides and gently put the tips of two fingers against my lips. “Sh-hhhhh.”
The sibilating sound lulled me back into tranquility. He slowly ran the fingers of his right hand along my jawline to my ear and then down the nape of my neck, he did the same with his tongue on the other side of my face. I shivered even in the heat of the steaming bath water. Cupping the sides of my face in his hands, he drew his head toward me and kissed me deeply.
With his lips pressed firmly against mine, I placed both my hands around the back of his neck. He straightened up and lifted me right out of the tub. Naked and dripping, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he never stopped kissing me the entire time, sucking and biting delicately on the soft skin of my lower lip. It made me crazy.
His exposed chest hair bristled across my nipples, arousing me further. I opened my mouth and his tongue began to flick back and forth across mine. It was a sensuous imitation of a more intimate act, and I was sure he knew it as was well as I did. With his thick shaft in his pants pressed against my bare pussy, I felt a now-familiar rush of warmth between my legs. When I began to grind myself against him, his cock began to grow. And grow.
Oh, my God! I thought. Courtney was right. The thing was huge.
Holding me in his powerful embrace, he let one of his hands drop slowly down the side of my body, tracing the arch of my hip and then reaching underneath me to massage the swell of my buttocks. Several of his long fingers wandered down further and touched me in a place that no man had touched me in a long time. As he lightly probed the outer rim of my anus with his index and middle fingers, I let out a moan.
I felt the sensation of moving again, but this time it wasn’t vertigo. Kenny carried me effortlessly out of the bathroom and into the adjoining bedroom where he eased me down onto the white down duvet cover. He was standing over me as I sat up and reached for his shirt. I pulled on the leather lacing that bound the cowhide to his body and loosened it until the material hung from his shoulders in two pieces. Kenny shrugged the remains off, exposing his naked torso.
His pants moved in front of me, as if there was something alive in there.


http://wildcatalog.thewildrosepress.com/all-erotic/4442-enchanted-desire.html

8/15/16

Anais Torres


The Reaper's Daughter by [Torres, Anais]


Book Synopsis:
Contrary to popular belief, serial killers aren't usually loners. In fact, many of history's most notorious murderers had spouses and children. 

Eight-teen-year-old Emma Wolf is haunted by the victims of her father's crimes. She constantly feels like she’ll never be part of this world, but just a spectator watching normal people go about their lives. She couldn't go back and make amends for her father’s crimes. She thought she had things figured out: join a few good causes, be a good girl, eat all her vegetables. Never lose control. 

So when her aunt finds out she's been invited to join the kid's from her local church for a week-long trip to South Padre Island, she pushes Emma to go. Why else would she - the most socially awkward, fact spewing outcast - spend the first week of summer with a bunch of kids, who she has nothing in common with? 

So much for not losing control.


8/12/16

Jennifer Reynolds Day 5


Chapter 1

~~~Abby~~~

“Do you have any idea what you’re looking for?” the receptionist of Smith County Animal Clinic and
Shelter asks as I step up to the counter and tell her that I am looking for a new pet.

“I would like to adopt a kitten, but I’ll look at any older cats if you don’t have any babies,” I tell her in my quiet, self-conscious voice. Every time I open my mouth to speak to someone I don’t know or someone who, for some irrational reason intimidates me, I’m scared I’m going to stammer or stutter or fumble my words and sound like an uneducated woman that I know I’m not. This fear causes me to speak slowly and softly.
Immediately embarrassed by my tone, I cut my eyes down to the counter. I’m a grown woman. I shouldn’t be this unsure of myself.

“All right, give me one moment to see what we have,” the brunette says and turns to face her computer.

Nodding my head, I look around the office wondering why I am here. Out of nowhere this morning, I
woke with a need to adopt another cat. I’ve had Sebastian, my Calico, for a year and a half now. We get along fine with each other. He seems content with being an only cat. Yet, for some reason, when I got up this morning, I felt the need to find him a companion. I’m not prone to psychic powers or precognition—if such things exist, and I tend to feel they might—so I’m not sure where this need came from or even why I am indulging in said need. I couldn’t stifle the feeling, the determination to put off work for a little while and drive to the shelter.

I have only a slight tendency toward impulsive shopping. However, for something this big—not that
getting a cat is like buying a new car—I normally make myself seriously think about the purchase for a few days, even a week, before actually making it. My compulsion to over-think things is why I can’t figure out how I ended up here at the shelter ready to pick up a new pet. My better judgment should have kicked in before I even got in the car, especially after talking to my sister.
-----

“You aren’t turning into the creepy cat lady, are you?” Carrie, my younger sister, asked when I told her my plan this morning when she called for our daily chat. She usually calls me as she heads home from dropping her kids off at school. I take her call as my wake up call for the day. However, this morning I was already up, eating a cup of yogurt, and drinking a glass of milk when my cell began singing The Door’s “People Are Strange.”

“Two cats aren’t going to make me the creepy cat lady,” I argued, rinsing my milk cup and putting it into my dishwasher. “Besides, who are you to talk? You have two dogs and three cats. You are closer to being the creepy cat lady than I am.”

“Hold up. One, I have three kids who love animals. Two, all of my pets are outdoor pets. Three, one of those dogs and two of those cats are merely strays I feed because if I don’t the kids throw a fit.” Her voice sounded strange and distracted as she said the last bit, and I knew that she had switched her attention from me to the road.

For a brief second, I thought about fussing at her for talking while driving, but we’ve had this argument many times before and nothing has changed. She continues to talk while driving, never mind the laws against such things. I know her Bluetooth lets her talk without holding a phone to her ear, but it still bothers me. I refuse to be on my phone while driving, no matter the distance of my drive, or who is on the phone. She, on the other hand, would talk, text, and take pictures all while driving if she could figure out how to do it without wrecking her car.

I’ve had people suggest that I not answer the phone when she calls, but that doesn’t work. She’ll blow my phone up until I answer, or she will show up on my doorstep worried out of her mind that something has happened to me. More than a few times, she has chewed my ass for scaring her. No, answering her call is easier.

“Strays, huh,” I said a few seconds later when I knew most of her attention was focused on me again.

“You don’t take strays to the vet to get them fixed.”

“Hey, it’s in everyone’s best interest to fix roaming animals. Half of those animals starve and so do their offspring. I did them a favor by having them fixed.”

“Whatever. They are still not strays,” I said, laughing at her denial.

“You know, you should really find yourself a boyfriend instead of another cat,” she threw out in a voice that suggested she had been waiting for an opportunity to bring the subject up again.

Damn it. The joys of being close to your siblings. They just love poking sleeping bears. One of these days, this sleeping bear is going snap her hand off if she doesn’t let it lie.

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically. “So do you,” I muttered, hoping she didn’t hear my lame-ass retort.

“What? You know you do. You’ve been alone a long time. Too long actually,” she said, ignoring said
lame-ass retort because she didn’t want to go down that road at all.

“I’m well aware of how long I’ve been alone,” I said with a growl. “Trust me. The empty battery packs in the trash can by my bed tell me exactly how long I’ve been alone.” Ha, I knew alluding to sex would shut her the hell up.

“T.M.I,” she shouted, and I heard her remove her earpiece in case I decided to expound a little more on what those batteries operate. I could tell she did this because the overly exaggerated gagging noises she made sounded muffled. I laughed at her. Score one for me.

“We’re not having this conversation,” she said, coming back to the line a near full minute later. “Look,

I’m just saying you’re turning into a recluse. You take classes on-line. You work on-line. Hell, you even shop on-line. And that last one is so not natural. You need to get out. Meet people. Meet men. You need to get laid. Badly.”

Another conversation we’ve had too many times. Let the sleeping bear lie already. I’m fine. I like my life.  My life is safe, quiet, and drama-free. Why can’t she see this? I sighed, and then wondered if I really am that sad? I don’t feel that sad.

You would think that the hell I went through in my last relationship would warrant a get-out- of-jail- free card when it came to such conversations. I mean, it isn’t as if I kept any aspect of that abuse secret, especially after I left him. Everyone knows about the beatings I took, the verbal attacks I suffered through on a daily basis. Yeah, I tried to hide them, but people knew. My many trips to the E.R. were a dead giveaway. Even his parents knew what he was doing to me. His mother rushed me to the hospital one night when he sliced open my leg with a knife because I wasn’t getting ready to leave fast enough. That was all the help I got from them.
The entire way to the hospital, his mother begged me not to press charges. Later that night, he gave me a black eye because his dad chewed his ass over what he had done to me.

Not to mention the fact that my sister and my best friend Crystal are extremely observant people. I can’t count the number of times they called the police on my ex when I wouldn’t. They weren’t here every time he put me down, told me I was worthless, criticized everything I did, shoved tooth picks into my arm, burned the tips of my toes with a lighter because I let my toe nails grow too long, the days I went without food because he said I was getting too fat or the days he did nothing but shove food down my throat because I was too skinny. They weren’t here for many things, but he didn’t hide who he was either. Although no one but me will ever know how bad he tortured me, and I mean that in the most literal of senses, they were still privy to many things.

What amazes me is that they couldn’t figure out why I stayed. I mean it was obvious…wasn’t it? Fear. I knew if I had left that man, he would have killed me, or someone else I hold dear, and I couldn’t have that.
The second thing that amazes me is that they think it should be easy for me to find another man, to trust another person in my life after that. I don’t know that I could ever do it again.

I’m aware of how damaged I am because of that man. I’m trying to be better, trying to work through my issues. He put all the fucked up thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis there. I understand that, but when you have things like that drilled into you, no matter how hard you try not to believe them, you can’t shake them. When I look at myself, I see the person he said I was. The image is permanently stuck there.

How I managed to pull myself out of that situation is beyond me. I don’t think I would have if he hadn’t gone out of town for a week and made the mistake of leaving me by myself. If he hadn’t been completely wasted and at the whim of his friends, he wouldn’t have left me. When I realized he was five states away and that I could move without him knowing anything about it, I did. To ensure my safety and the safety of those around me, I took all of the degrading pictures he had taken of me as proof of his abuse in case he ever tried to come for me.

Even with that, if he hadn’t died three months later of an overdose, I’d probably be back with him. I
know me.

“That’s pretty easy to say coming from someone who looks like you,” I finally replied, forcing myself away from that line of thinking, unable to stop the hint of fear and anger tinting my voice. Some days all it takes is a single word to send me back there.

I also had to stop myself from sounding petty and jealous. My sister doesn’t have a perfect life, I know this, but the fact that she has the house with the white picket fence, the three wonderful children, and gets enough in child support and alimony that she won’t have to work another day until her kids are off to college, and by then she’ll have another husband or two does at times make me forget the life she has led.

“You could leave your house in hot rollers and a muumuu and have three phone numbers plus a marriage proposal before you leave the yard—all from men who are simply driving down your road on their way to work. I, on the other hand, would be paid to go back inside, lock the door, and to stay there forever.” Yep, there was that hint of jealousy and bitterness I need to work on. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, there is no way for me hide my feelings.

See, my little sister, who is only two years younger than I am, mind you, not only has the perfect life, but she is nearly five foot eight and weighs probably a hundred and twenty-five, a hundred and thirty pounds. She has perfect perky “C” cups and legs that go on for miles. Her hair is light brown and wavy. She isn’t Angelina Jolie beautiful but damn near it. Her skin is smooth as a baby’s ass. Her teeth are perfect, not that they have always been that way. My parents paid good money for her to have teeth that perfect. Okay, here I’m being unfair. My teeth and complexion are just as perfect as hers are. God really blessed us with acne-free skin.

“Stop it. You know that isn’t so. Okay, I’ll admit that you’re a little overweight…” Only your sister would willingly say something like that to you face-to- face, or, well, phone-to- phone. If she were here, it would be face-to- face; I’ve no doubt. The bitch has no qualms about calling things as she sees them. I still love her.

“A little, my ass,” I snapped, wanting to be the one who calls me fat. I can handle facing my weight
problem if I’m the one who brings it up. “I won’t even tell you how much weight I’ve gained in the last two years.”

“That’s no one’s fault but your own.” My honest, bitch of sister, everyone. Give it up for her. She holds nothing back; my feelings be damned. “You keep yourself locked in your house with no source of exercise at all. Losing the weight you’ve gained wouldn’t take much, if you try. You don’t even attempt to walk past your mailbox three times a week. You sit in front of a computer twenty-four- seven. Of course, you’re going to be out of shape and overweight.”

The thing is that I can’t even get mad at her. That’s a lie, I can, and I wanted to snatch her scrawny ass through the phone and strangle her, so I kept reminding myself that I love my sister. I do. I love her. Really. But it isn’t as if she is wrong.

“Says the person with three kids who only weighs one hundred and ten pounds,” I interrupted her,
undershooting her weight because I knew it would annoy her and distract her from discussing my weight.

“Exaggerate much? I weigh more than that, and you and I both know it. Besides, if you had my kids,
you’d weigh nothing as well. All I do is chase them around the house. When I do get time to sit and eat, there’s always someone wanting a bite of what I’m eating. I don’t see how any mother of three is
overweight.”

“Whatever,” I said with nothing else to come back with. “Look, let me call you back later. I’m getting in the car.”

While we’d talked, I had finished my breakfast and dressed in the most comfortable, not at all form-fitting, pair of gray, cotton yoga pants and a black, long-sleeve thermal to wear to the shelter.

“You know you can talk to me while you’re driving,” Carrie said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“No, I can’t. I don’t have that Bluetooth thing you have that lets you talk while having your hands free.  Even with it, I wouldn’t talk to you while on the road, and you shouldn’t be talking to me…but I digress.”   Some arguments aren’t worth having.

“Your life is tame compared to mine.” She said this with a bit of sadness in her voice as if this were a bad thing.

I rejoice in how stress-free my life is compared to hers. Yeah, a part of me would like to have one or two little poop-machines giggling on my living room floor, but that is the only part of her life I wish I had. The baby-daddy drama would piss me off and drive me to drinking.

“And that’s just the way I like it,” I said back with a smile in my voice. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she replied, and we hung up.

We never say goodbye. I’m not sure why. We just never do. I think it has to do with the fact that goodbye is such a permanent word. She doesn’t like anything that alludes to death or permanent separation. To her, saying goodbye to someone means that she will never speak to or see that person again, so she can’t bring herself to say the words. I think this has to do with the fact that when she was sixteen, Mom dropped her on my doorstep and said goodbye. We haven’t heard from her since.

-----

“All right, we have two litters right now. None of which are ready to leave their mother. If you want, you can lay claim to one and take it home in a few weeks,” the receptionist says, effectively pulling me out of my thoughts as she comes around to my side of the counter to lead me to the room in which they keep the cats.

“I was really hoping to go home with something today,” I tell her with a hint of disappointment in my

voice. I hadn’t meant to sound so disappointed. I could come back another day, no problem, but for some reason, I really want a new cat today.

“The only other one we have is a foundling that showed up on our doorstep this morning. He isn’t a baby, but he looks to only be about three or four months old.”

“Can I see him?” My God, the desperation in my voice is annoying even to me. The receptionist gives me a ‘psycho much’ look. In return, I try to give her a sheepish ‘I’m sorry for being weird’ smile.

“Yeah,” she says, a little unsure if she really should allow me around the animals. “They just placed him in a cage. He didn’t have any fleas or any other physical or medical problems when we brought him in, but we always do a once over and give them a bath before putting them in with the other animals.”

I followed the woman through a set of double doors to the right of the information counter. The other set of double doors on the left led to the hospital part of the building. Smith County is where I purchased Sebastian. I prefer adopting from the shelter because I like knowing that I’m adopting an animal that the doctors have examined. I’m not opposed to strays. I just prefer adopting my animals. I like feeling as if I’m saving one from death when I adopt.

Dr. Smith, Sebastian’s doctor and one of the head doctors here at the shelter, promised me when I asked one time that they never put their animals to sleep unless they medically have to do so. I’m not sure I really believe her.

The other reason I like adopting from this particular shelter is the discounts on vaccines and procedures you get if you adopt from them. I’m not a Scrooge, but I’m not made of money either. Half price on spaying or neutering isn’t something I’m going to pass up.

I follow the woman into a large room lined wall-to- wall with cages. The dogs immediately start barking, reminding me of why I dislike them so much. The noise is deafening, causing my head to ache. Great, that’s all I need. I can’t afford to spend the rest of the day in bed with a headache.

“Here he is,” she says, stopping in front of one the cages halfway down an aisle.

I’m in love the moment I see him.

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