2/3/16

Review of Sweet Revenge by Serene McCarthy

Sweet Revenge: The Billionaire's Deception by Serene McCarthy

Maybe 3 stars....
 
posted on Goodreads by reviewer

I was given a copy in exchange for a honest review.
This book is basically about a girl named Kaitlyn (or Kaitlin.... the author spells it differently throughout the book)... she is a personal shopper for s store in Chicago (or is it Atlanta.... the author seems to constantly change it). She wants to go to a University for music, however wants to also build her portfolio as a personal shopper too. She works at some kind of clothing store and also does personal shopping for clients that need that service.  She meets a Billionaire named Roy Hearst (who happens to own the stores) and requires a shopper so her Manager assigns her to him. Later he makes her an offer to be his Social companion. This is just to keep gold diggers away, not romantic..... 
First I MUST point out that this book was all over the place. One minute she delivering clothes to the Billionaire Roy Hearst at his home in Highland Park, Chicago but later says his company controls the textile business in Atlanta (okay so maybe he works from Chicago). But later in the book she is returning to her hometown Atlanta and yes Roy lives there and so does her roommate Amy.... Also at one point Kaitlyn (or Kaitlin... another issue... shouldn't the author know how to spell her heroine's name?) and Roy are in France watching a Hockey game but in the next sentence she says that she cant stay focused on the movie, then says she likes watching his expression and his comments on the players in the game. SERIOUSLY, is it a movie or a hockey game.
I have to also talk about the language. At one point in the beginning I thought it had switched to a historical romance in England. No 20 something girl (we never hear her age at all) from Chicago or Atlanta will speak like this "Do not worry your head over the result" (speaking about a test to determine if he was a Winter or Summer, which NO ONE does these and NO MAN cares about)..... Then later says "Oh my, do pardon me if I seem over-bearing...." Not to mention that she ran into him while returning to work and when he enters the store she thinks he's there to complain about it..  So after they decide on his clothes and he says he has to leave for meetings her inner dialogue she calls him an "Impertinent jerk" because she didn't get the last word. 
Then it reads "Not only had he quashed the chance for her to have a final word with him, he had also dictated his instructions in an imperious tone and dismissed her with a careless attitude, as if he was expecting her to be at his disposal henceforth. The very cheek of him! Blimey! Did he think she was one of his housemaids whom he could order around?"     First of all she is from Chicago/Atlanta and would NOT use any of those terms, esp Blimey... she's also 20 something and a personal shopper so yes, he can dictate what he needs and wants.
Now let's talk about this billionaire Roy Hearst... He is a 27yr old Billionaire and apparently speaks in old English...sometimes... There is really way to much to go over. I could barely tolerate the characters aside from Amy (the roommate or housemate as it reads).  Except she also speaks like some old English Mother saying "And do cast off that shadow of worry from your face" and then Kaitlyn/Kaitlin replies "Fine, dear. Do as you please. I'm going to top up some groceries once I'm done clearing my head."  HUH? Are we in England and are the in their 70s?
I have to mention the lack of consistency (aside from not spelling the main character's name the same or knowing where they are) what seems to be a week from their (K and Roy) meeting to the proposal of the offer (which happened with a couple of paragraphs) which later in the book the roommate, Amy, says it was a few months.... In other words, what was a few days (they meet and a couple of days later he makes the offer was actually a 9 month span!) then they go to Europe which it reads like it was maybe a couple of weeks... was actually almost another 4 months!! 
Also, the author should look into using words like "It's" "I'd" "We've" and so on.... Think how people talk, we use contractions. Also the use of commas where they weren't needed and then the run-on sentences, made it difficult to read. Maybe it was done to so the books would have more words...... AND when we write or say a dollar amount it's not USD2000 should be $2000 or two-thousand dollars. 
I honestly think that the author had a thesaurus on hand and decided to use it for everything because some of the sentences didn't even make sense. 
I would highly recommend and editor and some beta readers that won't be bias, because those who gave this 4 or 5 stars are just being nice and it does NOT help the author. I had a difficult time giving this 3 stars, but here's my reason for 3. 
Firstly, the story line was decent and has a lot of potential, but the characters need more depth. They were all very shallow and things were constantly contradicting each other. Secondly, if this was made to be in England the language would make a bit more sense. I would go even as far as saying that making it into a historical romance might be a good idea. When I first started reading it I had to go back and check to see if this was a historical romance because the way the characters were talking and the inner dialogue just didn't make any sense.
It's obvious the author has imagination... if she writes another I hope she REALLY re-reads it, has some unbiased beta readers and proofreaders (Usually people will do it for free, I do it all the time).



Charidy Anaya

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