3/9/16

Aimee Martin Day 3



Now a little something from Forever Home, the first in the Lake Shores Series

            We sat in quiet for several minutes. I carefully watched his face; searching for signs of anger, disappointment, anything.
            But all he did, which I’m still not sure I understand, was widen his smile even more. His grin was so large that it went beyond the contour of his face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was happy, satisfied almost, even though I was shutting down his obvious invitation to something more between us. It all became so confusing to me.
            Here I am, trying to let him down gently so that I can go on about my painful and ill-deserved life. And here he is, smiling at me, flashing that beautiful smile like he’s just won the lottery.
            I looked down at my plate and continued to pick at the delectable dinner he worked so hard to make, trying to appear cool and calm. Inside, I was a complete mixture of feelings fighting against each other. Part of me was dying to know what he was thinking while the other was hoping this night would end without any more revelations. I wanted to know if he had any response to what I had just told him, other than the condescending smile. Or if he was ready to call this whole experience quits.
            I was beginning to think that the dinner would end in silence and that I would go home to my parents’ house tonight feeling distraught and relieved at the same time. Distraught because deep down I knew I felt something for this man across the table from me. Relieved because I knew the solitude I was eternally destined for finally looked as if it was within reach. Always alone like the moon and the sun. Each the other’s counterpart but never able to come together.
            I looked out at the sky to the west to see the sun setting fully, taking its light away. Then I looked to the east and saw the moon coming up, bringing with it a softer light of its own but never able to shine as bright. Funny that I thought of the light and dark between the two just like Jaxson had with him and me.
            I jumped when he finally spoke, bringing me out of my deliberations.
             “I don’t know what happened in your life to make your wall be so guarded.” his deep voice was carefully spoken, causing my gaze to meet his, “But just so you know, I’m a really good listener. And I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I have waited this long to find you. I don’t mind biding my time until you figure our future on your own.”
            It took every bit of will power I had to not get up, throw my arms around that masculine body of his and kiss him until the sun came back up. His words were so sincere, so heartfelt, that I swore I could feel my meticulously placed barrier collapsing in the present tense.
            I straightened in my chair, knowing I was not destined for this, whatever this was, but for solitude. With a touch of flippancy and false bravado, I went on, “My future is already set because of my past. And I’m sorry to inform you that it doesn’t include anything pleasant. I hate to feel like I’ve disappointed you…”  I trailed off and realized that I was hoping to ease this conversation in a different direction. One that was less serious. Willing my tone to come across to him as more teasing, I gave him a roll of my eyes and shrug of my shoulders.
            It didn’t work.
            “I’ll wait… I’ll always wait…”


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